How NOT to make your own clove cigarettes...

Here are some simple things to NOT DO when trying to make your own clove cigarettes...

1) Do not try shoving whole cloves in the tobacco...yes, this should be a given, however, even those stupid warnings you read about not eating the plastic bag were intended for someone. This goes out to all those DIY clove makers who think they can circumvent the grinding process. Sure, you COULD buy ground cloves...and I say, if you are so inclined...go for it...but your cigarettes will probably taste like caca...compared to a Djarum Black.

2) Do not douse your tobacco with clove bud essential oil and roll/stuff without drying it all the way out. it will get all over you, jam up the machine and piss you off.

3) Do not lick your hands while making cigarettes. Don't. Do. It.

4) Do not attempt to try and make inverted sugar syrup with palm sugar. Yes it has a better glycemic index...but if you are following rule 3..you are probably going to smoke the cigarette, not eat it anyway.

5) Do not go willy nilly with the cloves. Sometimes too much of a good thing, is not good. Sometimes too much of a good thing sucks ballzacs.
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So I have made a total of 2 packs and smoked them all...and they were actually palatable. I don't really have a formal process for reviewing each "experiment"...I just tweak as necessary and keep notes....so I can start from the same point the next go around.

Anyway - not too much more too add to this just yet, but I am sure it is not going to just turn over and die either. We will keep it around for good measure. I am listing the links that I found useful below...chances are, if you found this blog you have already seen the links I am about to post...but though it would be nice if they were all in one spot for any ambitious manufacturers.

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Your-Own-Clove-Cigarettes/Kretek
http://www.flickr.com/photos/catastrophegirl/sets/72157622017594810/
http://m0nsterface.blogspot.com/

First...Attitude. Now - getting closer....

Soooooooo......I ran out of the last pack of cloves that I had yesterday....midday. Ouch.

There is something to be said for the motivation of necessity. Because...I am getting closer. Where before I was so effing frustrated with the little damn stuffing machine, the lack of sweetened paper, the nasty flavor of the tobacco, and so on and so forth...I had the right mind to forget the whole thing and just quit like I should have. But my momma didn't raise no quitter!!!

not only did I run out...but spoke with the phone-answering lady at JFK customs, and was told in no uncertain terms, that my internationally purchased cigarettes were not coming and in fact were confiscated and "destroyed" (smoked)...It was a bad day. :(

Did I put (yes) - did I get nasty (yes) - did I curse the ignorance of the Elitists (as a matter of fact I did) - Did I plot inconceivable revenge (you bet I did!)....No. I didn't (LIES!). I went home and got serious. I reviewed all of the info from other people on the same quest. I looked up new info to try and discover all i could regarding the clove cigarette making process. And then i disregarded all of it...well, not really. I actually tried to emulate it, as best I could....and have at least something that has given me hope...and will keep me going for a little while longer.

Aree there problems, yes. Are there annoyances, yes. But hallelujah...I have something that tastes similar to some of the crappy brands I have been smoking for the past month. So clearly, I must be onto something. Big.

Anywa...I know this is not details or anything...but that will have to be tomorrow.. Too tired from the cigarette making frenzy I have been in. Till then, ciao.

Getting this thing going....dying for decent cloves

sooo...Ummmm, is this thing on?
Heck, what do I care.

I really don't have the patience to start this thing out with a background story...or cute little tidbits about myself. Gonna skip all that and get to the nitty gritty...if I may be so cliche.

So-first item up for bid...

The Clove Saga

At first I thought I was all alone in my plight, to duplicate the only vice that could subdue the savage and irrational beast for a few minutes. Little by little, as some of us have come to discover, the US Ban on Kreteks is not some awful Orwellian nightmare - it's real.

And it SUCKS.

But you know what, I am not going to sit here and spew any more of the crap you can read elsewhere. Don't kid yourselves, it's all pretty mild compared to how I feel anyway. Truth is, I don't want to waste time rationalizing about irrational shit like politics. Being right about something doesn't do much good if you don't have the power to do anything about it. So let's look at it from a different view point for just a minute, if you will oblige. (I will assume that you do.)

I want to thank the US Government for returning to its Monarchal (<-is that a word?) roots. It is only fitting that an Elite few should decide the fate/freedoms/rights of those of us that are unable to think for ourselves...(wait-did that come out right? umm-yeah, let's go with it and see where it takes us.) I mean...$8-$10 a pack????? WTF...is there opium mixed in there? Obviously, I was certainly not thinking clearly. COULD NOT think clearly...
Why would anyone in their right mind pay such an outrageous amount for something proven to be so morally wrong? But I have finally been FREED!!!(I hope)

The bereavement process started like any other...first denial. Then anger. Then hopelessness. then ANGER. Confusion. Jonesing. MORE ANGER. RAGE.
Hording...all that I could get my hands on. Then shifting to the lesser quality stocks- when the hordes had been used up too quickly. Shop after shop - searching. Succombing to the GOUGING....(thanks for that)...and actually thanking the shops for the opportunity to pay out my arse for something so crappy. Hitting rock bottom - I spent entire weekend days perusing the city and shady areas of town, looking for the Entrepreneur who had the foresight to snatch them all up and create a profitable Black Market for the coveted clove cigarette. I tried talking to the shop keepers...letting them know I would pay top dollar...and keep everything hush hush. I have smoked every god-forsaken brand that has called itself a kretek (and there are some baddies!) in the last 3 weeks. I am in the abyss...

Then Clarity...(with a twinge of anger)...and now a subtle Peace (yes...with overtones of anger to be sure.)

If I can't buy them...I will make them!!!!!!